spyderqueen (spyderqueen) wrote in veggiehaters,

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"Come on over, I've got a RAGING case of Crabs!"

I know we usually just post about meat that comes from Land Animals, but I gotta say: I LOVE crabs. And facts being facts, fish and shellfish are still meat, despite what some whiny psuedo-vegetarians like to say. They came from animals, they're meat. Get over yourself already.

I just got back from the community crab feast, so I'm in a happy place at the moment.

Now, it's important to note that I like a specific kind of crab in a specific setting. I want a good ol' (yet increasingly hard to catch and expensive) Chesapeake Bay Blue Crab.

I expect that some of you reading this are total crab heathens. The type who boil them like lobster or for some god-forsaken-reason thing alaskan king crab is the best. So I serve as education for you all.

Crabs should be steamed with a HELL OF A LOT of spices. Old Bay is essential. They should then be dumped out unceremoniously on a newspaper covered table. Different people clean them differently, so I won't get into that. Some people like to eat the yellow fat that's packed inside them, called "the mustard". I've seen people eat the devil's fingers too (the gills), but that's just gross. Some people use Mallets to help break the crabs open, but as a 7th generation Marylander, I'm gonna come out here and say that's for wussies. Ideally, you should be banging the back of the knife with your BARE HAND. You want a sore stripe against the base of your hand that'll hurt for a week.

Sometimes I think it's the experience I love even more than the crabs. I like that the little cuts that shell fragments make in my hands get filled with spices so they sting. I like that my lips begin to burn after a few claws and that no amount of liquid really clears out the pain in my mouth. I like that I get so into eating them that I eat until I'm about ready to barf. Then I try and eat a few more.

Crabs: Food for the Masochist in your Soul.
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